I looked, and behold, an ashen horse; and he who sat on it had the name Death; and Hell was following with him. Authority was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword and with famine and with pestilence and by the wild beasts of the earth. Revelation 6:8


Islam and the Dogs

A nice illustration of Islam's dogs problem...

dogs of IslamA dog, say named 'Fido', was found dead in the backyard alley of one of my neighbor’s house.

The poor dog had been lying there dead for over a couple of days, its blotted body now emitting a horrible stench. These rotting fumes gave one's nostrils an unbearable smell and would surely vomit on a couple of occasions.

So, to ensure what this death-smell actually was, I strolled out to the alley to investigate, when I saw Ashfaq (my next door neighbor) with his family discussing something between them. There was a furious argument over the dead dog in the family led to haggling, but Ashfaq and his family simply refused to touch the dead dog’s body to clean up the stench.

“It is paleet (dirty) in Islam to touch,” explained Ashfaq to his wife. “Call the Hindu bhangees (sewerage workers). They'll pick him up.”

“They cost too much these days,” said Kashif, our adjacent neighbor, who by now also joined the fiasco.

“This was my dog, by the way,” said Kashif.

“Well, then will you pick him up?” said Ashfaq.

“I can’t. I am a Muslim like you, remember?” said Kashif

“Then why did you keep a dog in the first place?” I replied.

“I didn’t know it is forbidden to keep dogs in Islam. I only got to know about a week ago. The maulana gave a fatwa for the stray dogs roaming the streets over here. I’ve been repenting ever since then...” exclaimed Kashif.

“So you killed the poor dog then?” I asked.

“No, I just let it go. I just threw a few stones at it, so that Fido would run away,” said Kashif.

"You mean, you stoned him to death?” I asked Kashif.

“No, no sir, I don’t think so,” retorted Kashif.

Another neighbor, Kamran, joined the conversation: “Isn’t that your dog, Kashif sahib?”

“Yes. It was, until last week,” said Kashif, with a frowning gesture.

“How did he die?” asked Kamran.

“Who cares how the dog died!” said Ashfaq, by now him being very much agitated. “It’s a paleet animal and it deserves to die!”

“But it is one of Allah’s many wonderful creatures,” I said.

“Keeping dogs is forbidden in Islam. Period!” Ashfaq announced rudely.

“How can you be so sure?” asked Kamran.

“Are you questioning Allah?” said Ashfaq.

“Are you Allah?” I replied in a tit for tat tone.

“No! Of-course not. Astraffullah!" said Ashfaq.

“Well, kindly answer this question then,” I replied.

“I read it somewhere in a book,” said Ashfaq.

“You mean The Holy book? The Noble Koran?" I asked him.

“No, it was tasfeer in some book by a famous aalim-e-deen (Islamic scholar),” replied Ashfaq.

“And, so you believed this aalim Ashfaq?” I exclaimed.

“It’s also a hadith of Rasool-e-pak SAW,” added Kamran.

“But there are thousands of ahadith. Not all are correct. How do you know this one is correct?” I asked.

“I just know it sahib...! Now please help me get this paleet animal off my property. Some one do call a bhangee!” said Ashfaq in an annoyed manner.

Paleet Hindu bhangee, you mean,” I sarcastically interrupted him!

“Us Muslims cannot touch dogs, okay?” said Ashfaq.

“My clothes will get Na Pak (Un-Holy). Why don’t you get the District Government people do this work?” asked Kashif.

Meanwhile, Kamran, who was listening to the scintillating theological dialogue between Ashfaq and Kashif, decided to pitch in: “You know, brothers, I think either the CIA or Blackwater agents killed your dog,” he sounded out seriously.

“What?” I reacted. “Why the hell would ‘they’ kill this poor ol’ dog?”

“Well, you see, I was trying to convert him, and…,” said Kashif

“Convert a dog?”

“Yes. I was trying to convert him into becoming a rooster,” Kashif explained.

“Wonderful!” exclaimed Ashfaq! “What a superb thought, this neighborhood certainly needs a rooster who can wake us (great Muslims) up for worship every morning.”

“Why not just get one, instead of getting a poor dog to turn into a rooster?” I snickered.

“Ah! Brother Jamshed... There is more sawab (good deeds) in converting paleet things and people,” said Ashfaq nostalgically.

“But why can’t a dog be a dog and a rooster a rooster? Why does a dog have to be converted into a rooster just because you don’t like dogs? Have you ever asked a rooster to turn into a dog?” I irritatingly questioned Ashfaq.

“Allah forbids! What are you saying? That rooster would become an apostate. We would have to kill it then,” reacted Kashif.

“But we already kill roosters. We love their meat, don’t we fellas?” I said jokingly.

“Yes, but a rooster eaten by a real Muslim actually goes to heaven,” said Ashfaq.

“Really? Who told you that now? The famous aalim probably, you mean!” I interrupted.

“No, actually my grandmother did, Allah bless her soul,” said Ashfaq.

All the while, Kashif was deep in thought, scratching his head: “Ashfaq bhai, had I been able to convert Fido into a rooster, would we have been able to eat it too?”

“Of course, Kashif. We certainly can eat roosters. It is Halal in Islam,” said Ashfaq.

“But, Ashfaq bhai, he would still be looking like a dog, if you know what I mean?” I intently blurted to them.

“Not if he was properly dressed,” said Ashfaq.

“Properly dressed too?” said Kamran.

“Of course,” replied Ashfaq. “Cannot let a converted dog run around naked you know. Nudity is forbidden in Islam!”

“But roosters run around naked too!” I said to them.

“Yes! But whereas, one can see everything on a naked dog and one cannot see on a rooster. They’re born covered with feathers,” explained Ashfaq.

OH! I SEE……… Hmmmm….! I frowned sheepishly.

“But you were born naked! Did your mother throw stones at you?” I asked, losing my temperament somewhat by now.

“What do you know, Ashfaq sahib? You even wear western clothes, you don’t have an Islamic beard and, your wife and daughters don’t even adorn the hijab?” I said.

A pin drop silence hummed between us. By now they were all thinking what to say to my question.

“Well that’s because, I don’t want to turn into a rooster and ask my wife and daughters to become hens! I’d rather remain human” -- I retaliated to them.

“You see, brother Jamshed, there lies your problem. Wanting to become human before a Muslim,” said Ashfaq.

“Oh, but I thought it meant the same thing. Doesn’t being a good Muslim amount to being a good human too?” I replied.

“Oye, hoye! What have all those Western books that you read done to you, brother Jamshed? Here, read this instead (he handed me the Koran). Get to know your Islamic roots dear,” said Ashfaq.

“What’s this?” I asked him.

“Is it your grandmother’s recipe for a mouth-smacking chicken burger? And what has a burger to do with my roots? And anyway, isn’t it a western dish too?” I jotted him.

“Ah! That is all what Western propaganda has made you believe in. Burgers were originally created by Muslims some 1400 ago,” Ashfaq said in a smiling manner.

“And who told you that? Mr. Zaid Hamid?” I asked.

“Well, I should know. I have Arab blood in my veins as I am a good Muslim,” said Ashfaq.

“Nonsense! You are clearly of subcontinental stock, like every Pakistani here,” I replied.

Ashfaq smugly shook his head: “My ancestors were Arabs, my friend Jamshed sahib. We used to raise roosters in south Yemen”.

“But, of course, it must be your ancestors and not mine,” I sighed my mind to him.

Enters Kashif: “But, brothers, what about my poor dog Fido?”

Ashfaq glared at him menacingly.

“I mean the dirty, filthy, paleet, forbidden creature from hell!” Kashif checked himself. “So what should we do with the dog now?”

“Well, if you say you were trying to convert Fido then I guess the Hindu Indians, Israeli Jews or Christian Americans killed him,” said Ashfaq.

Kashif started sobbing quietly: “My poor rooster is dead now!”

“Rooster?” I asked in a baffled tone.

“Don’t cry,” said Ashfaq. “He died for a good cause and Allah will grant him Jannat.”

“But you used to throw stones at him, Kashif,” said Kamran?

“Yes, but only when I caught him fornicating in public,” replied Kashif.

“But where else would a dog fornicate? In your drawing room?” I asked Kashif.

“Well, as long as Fido doesn’t do it in public,” said Ashfaq.

“But roosters fornicate in public too!” said Kamran.

“Yes, but they are properly dressed. And are male,” Ashfaq replied.

“What farce! It’s wrong if a dog fornicates in public, but its okay to stone him in public?” I said.

“It’s celestial law!” Ashfaq announced. May Allah grant him paradise.

“Whose law, your spaced-out grandmother’s?” I asked sarcastically.

“Hold your tongue, Jamshed sahib. Or you too will end up like that dog. I can’t have more dogs roaming around naked and fornicating in this neighborhood,” Ashfaq said in a harsh tone.

Suddenly there was a 16.2 second silence. Kashif looked at Ashfaq: “Ashfaq bhai, It was you …who killed… Fido my dog?”

Stumped, Ashfaq started to sweat: “Err … no, no, as you said, it must’ve been the Indians Agents -RAW!”

“But there are no Indians in this neighborhood,” said Kamran.

“Then it must be the Jews,” said Ashfaq.

“What Jews?” asked Kashif.

“I tell you the truth, it was really Blackwater Agents,” said Ashfaq.

“Blackwater Agents killed a naked, fornicating, paleet dog. Shouldn’t you be thanking them instead?” I said to Ashfaq.

“Oh! Right Jamshed sahib! Ashfaq blurted in a mild tone…

But, you see, he had become a rooster. It wasn’t me, Kashif! Muslims don’t lie. It was him!” said Ashfaq, pointing at me.

“But why him, Ashfaq bhai? He is Muslim too,” Kashif asked?

“No, he isn’t,” half-shouted Ashfaq. “He's no Muslim. He is … he is … he is human!”


P.S: Why are Muslims so adamant, that they are not able to decide what is wrong and what is right, after so much of HAVOCS in Islamic countries? They are still of the view that ‘their knowledge is best about Islam’.

We have so many problems with the religion of Islam, which isn’t a religion of peace at all! I can bet that they have not even read 10% of their Islamic Holy books. If they did, they would know the errors! Things become pretty complicated when it comes to interpreting it… When they are given 100 different interpretations of the same chapter from their holy book! In Islamic countries where 60% of its population is illiterate, it becomes so damn easy to misguide Muslims into believing any thing Islamic and prepare them to commit acts of absolute horrors.


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