I feel I was mislead, mis-sold and my only regret now is that I met my partner who roped me into this situation and I was too weak and too stupid to realise what I was doing.
[This article appeared in Faithfreedom.org]
Brothers and sisters of the world, I would like you to read my story and questions and I would love to hear your comments and particularly from other ex Muslimahs who have questioned the same things. I just feel this religion has so many things that don’t make any logical sense at all. How can one follow something blindly and not ask why?? Mr Ali Sina, I commend you for what you are doing. I really do.
Please tell me why it is that I can’t pray whilst menstruating?? I am too unclean to pray? Yet, I am told I can still make du’a, yet what is du’a if not prayer?? Basically telling me that even if I were to ritualistically wash myself (make wudu) I am not clean enough to pray yet tells me I can pray directly to God inside my head without prostration? How does that make sense exactly?? What is the whole point of the wudu then? At all? Also, I am not supposed to touch the Quran during my period?? Or to visit a Mosque. What kind of God would differentiate between a male and female when they want to be close to God? This is not only ludicrious but it shows extreme favouritism towards men, thus enhancing the belief that Islam teaches that men are better than women. Also, have you seen the size of the ladies prayer areas in a mosque?? Tiny and cramped!!! Why would God teach people this ?? God loves all.
That Dogs have jinns within them?? WHAT??? We are all of God’s creatures. Dogs are the types of animals that are so well suited to be a domestic pet because of their natural affinity towards human beings. They have brought so much love and solace to humans over the years. How on earth would our God tell man to not keep a dog or that they are unclean or that a jinn resides in them or that we cannot pray near them or where they are kept? This is preposterous. I can understand the fact that we maybe should not eat pigs because they eat other animals and possibly excrement as well, that doesn’t sound too apealing, however fish and sea creatures eat other fish but they are deemed halal? How is this fair?
How can I follow a religion that teaches me to view other followers of faiths with such disdain, thus allowing me to start feeling supreme to the other children of God? That is utterly disgraceful. I found myself starting to slip into, instead out of, hate and anger, only this time it was directed at non-Muslims. I used to love all people equally and all of civilisation, yes there were people that irrated me and I didn’t agree with but I never did think it would be okay to kill and wipe them out, or to coerce them into believing in Islam….this again is a ludicrous suggestion.
How can I follow a religion that teaches men that it’s okay to marry and have sex with a 9 year old child??(even 13 years old!) I have a daughter and it makes me sick to my stomach that if she were to grow up in the Islamic faith that I would at some point have to give her up for marriage whilst she was still a child? Whether girls have periods from a young age or not, is not indicative that they should be married off to a 40 year old man. It’s a sick thought that the prophet Muhammad at his old age carried out this same act. And if I didn’t give her up for marriage if requested, that I would be disobeying the wishes of prophet Muhammad and ultimately, Allah. I don’t agree that as soon as a child has a period she is of childbearing age. Her body is getting her prepared for adulthood. I cannot follow this train of thought.
That I must walk around covering my hair at all times and, all of a sudden in my life (as a revert) am unable to hug my cousins and uncles nor to ever touch them again?? What? These are people that grew up with me as a father/brother and some of whom are blood. I cannot live in my home with curtains closed, blinds drawn in the summer heat because I fear if they are open, neighbours may look in and see my hair? What, am I to walk around my own house in the heat with my head covered as well??? Some may say, but the heat you are experiencing is nothing compared with the fire of hell for committing sins…. What kind of a rule is this? I cannot understand that men seeing my hair is such a sin and I cannot live within my own four walls as a prisoner. Why did God give us the seasons, the sunshine, the wind and the rain if we are forbidden to feel it on our skin and the wind in our hair? Oh, sorry, I mean, if you are FEMALE that is !!! IT is proven that a lack of Vitamin D from the sun is responsible for many immune system problems and the body’s inability to absorb other vitamins and minerals. Are you telling me that God asked Muhammad to tell the world this, what, did he want women to suffer with their health??? Did he not think about the colder climate countries that get little sunshine as it is? Oh, yes and what about the colder climates where there is little darkness through summer and are expected to fast for up to 22 hours a day during Ramadan????? The answers I have been given are that the brothers and sisters who ‘do’ fast etc within this climate will be given extra rewards for their suffering..ie. suffering=reward! What is this silly ruling………..How can a Mother be expected to do this when she has little children, how can she be forced to be weak from between 14-22 hours a day when she has little kids to run around after in the heat of the sun?? What ???? This is ludicrous. Such sexism!!!
That I must awaken in the middle of the night to get up, wash myself, pray and then somehow get back to sleep and manage my life with lack of sleep (because apparently praying is so much better than sleeping…). I have a baby also. When my baby decides she wants to nap or sleep and it’s prayer time, I can’t just leave the baby to scream and howl for me so I can go and make wudu before the sunsets, lest I be commiting a sin of not praying on time. It is exhausting enough being a mother so I must also sleep when the baby sleeps otherwise I would get next to no sleep. How can this be right, when I personally, get extremely sick and rundown if I don’t sleep well. How can this be beneficial to my life? But ah, yes, I can pray through du’a…..again, my whole point, then what is the point of formal praying/making wudu, when we can talk to Allah directly anyway.
And also……what is the whole point of following a religion that tells you that, alas, on one day or thirty days of the year, all your sinning can be wiped out if you fast and pray. Basically, I can do pretty much as I wish, as long as I carry out the fasts. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. There are so many rules about, oh if you do this then all your sins will be washed away…. what???? If you have a baby, you get this many sins washed away for this amount of time so on and so on….so stupid and illogical. How’s about just be good, follow your God consciousness…that which we have all been born with. What’s right and what’s wrong. Our internal guide. Not that which is written in a book. God is within us all. How is any muslim supposed to learn and remember every single rule and the contradictory ones??What…….head spinning all over the place trying to keep up with it all!!
What about being taught that it’s wrong to listen to music. I have never heard so much rubbish in my life. Why is it so then, that my baby daughter just loves music and singing..her head turns the minute she hears music and she smiles and laughs. That is not evil, nor is it anything else, other than deep pleasure and joy (oh but the Muslims would probably answer that it’s the Shaytan telling her to laugh). What a pleasure music brings to people’s ears and hearts. It is so comforting, can help release emotions, can help dealing with tragedy, can help to make you happy, can help to ease your pain and suffering (in the same way that praying to a universal God can). How can anyone say music is in any way damaging? Maybe certain types are (heavy thrash metal or thumping techno music perhaps ;-D ). I have read that prophet Muhammad frequently had women singing at weddings and gatherings. How is that bad? Yet another case of hypocrisy, I ask?
How can I live with myself if being a Muslim, I am aware that others of my faith will willfully kill and slaughter people in the name of God? What God is that, I ask? It’s not the God I know, the God I trust, the God that has brought me to where I am today. My parents taught me it’s wrong to hurt others, to steal, to Kill another human….whether religious or not, we all know it is just plain WRONG!!! No God of our universe would teach that. God takes our lives when he is ready to. Whether that is at the hands of an evil person or an illness, it’s not up to us, I know that. But at least we all know that if we take another person’s life it is wrong. We are NOT God! God should teach love and to worship God from within yourself, not necessarily within some structured organisation!!
Why is it that the Muslims must follow what is written in a book?? Why? Why then I ask, are we given brains from which to expand, nurture and develop as we grow? What would be the point of free thinking – take a parent/ child for instance that are brought up with no religion, no book to follow, only gut instinct and intuition and the need for food and water. They don’t have any issues and problems, only to survive and be good. Ihave seen it happen in many island civilisations!! No Quran in sight. Are you telling me these people will go to hell?
My final point is this….. how can this religion teach that non Muslim people that who are good, have been good their whole life, will burn in hell because they didn’t ‘re’-vert to Islam??? So you are telling me that those who are born into Islam and are bad people will automatically go to heaven??? And those caring loving types will be banished to hellfire for using their God given caring instinct??? What?? This is RIDICULOUS!! Any fool can see that! I refuse to believe that because my parents are not Muslims and have been good people their whole entire life right up to their old age now who, even now, depsite the fact that I recently became a Muslim, STILL will do anything for me, help me, be there for me??/ Yet I am supposed to believe they will go to hell and I, to heaven? Absolutely ludicrous.
I therefore have to say that after my first year as a Muslim, I now cannot see how I can proceed any further, after learning all of the above, mostly through my own internal ‘red light’ bleeping at me constantly and of reading and probing further. I feel I was mislead, mis-sold and my only regret now is that I met my partner who roped me into this situation and I was too weak and too stupid to realise what I was doing. However had I not met him I would not have my beautiful daughter. I only pray that we can get on with our lives away from him, without fearing for our lives. I hope and pray to my universal God for forgiveness, for the feelings of hatred I had developed for my non-Muslim bretheren and sisterhood. I pray he forgives me for this sorry episode in my life and for strength for mine and my daughter’s future, to get away from the evil ways I have been introduced to. Thank you for reading.
Signed, Soon-to-be Ex Muslimah
